Does it make any sense to you????

I've been down quite lot lately. Six days have passed and I'm nowhere near the success. Reading book helps me get my head out of pessimistic and think of the good side.

But......

It's harder when your family is not really a supporter to you. I feel like we could make it together, my mom and I. Apparently, she seems disconnected. We used to share dreams and hopes. I know she gets tired from what she's been doing for the past years. I just hope that she would be the one who will stand beside me because no one in the family will. I was so certain that I'm gonna make it as long as she's there for me.

It's starting to change. I don't know if I can make it without her because I don't know how to do it alone :'( It seems as if she doen't know why I'm doing all this. I keep telling myself and giving her a hint that what we have is the only choice that can make everything better. Sure money isn't everything, but without it you can gain nothing in life.

My family is having problem, I'm sure of it. I just want everything back to the way they were. I could just be the bad girl and don't give a fuck about what happening, but because that's not who I am. Now I'm suffering!! If I can't make it within this month then I might not make it at all. My hopes and dreams are gonna smash into million pieces.

What should I do??? I ask myself whether what I want in life is too much to ask?? Am I not deserve to have the life that I want??? The things I want?? My dreams and wishes to come true??? Am I not good enough?? I'm crying but I can't let anyone see my tears. I'm broken and no one can fix me. I have to put a smiley face when I step out of my house or just waking up in the morning. What's going to happen in the future is worry me. I don't know what to do.......

Feel like cutting myself but then it's just another way of hurting people I love *CRY*